as hilarious as the shaq video is, i think we all have a better idea of the ass kobe tastes on the regular, now. shouts out to those marty mcfly hyperdunks, though kobester. them shits bang.
after the jump, the top 5 women that banged shaq and/or kobe
another year and another opportunity for nice young respectable ladies to unleash their inner skank in the guise of all hallows eve. like moths to the flame — candy corn and free admission for ladies in costume compels young coeds, coworkers and convention cosplayers to don boots you shouldn’t walk in, fantastic plastics and questionable headgear in celebration of their repressed fantasies.
although an occasional young lass manages to emerge from the pile of cheap accessories looking like a star, the majority of the people shooting for the moon end up lost in space. to help these ladies, i’ve compiled a list of the top 5 costume ideas that they should avoid at all costs. the idea is either overdone (there will be someone else at the party dressed just like you), not as sexy as she thinks (lady cops? lady, stop.) or way too difficult to pull off (hint - episode 4).
honorable mention - cheerleader.
the sexy cheerleader is the leading choice for sexy sports/athletics related costumes. there are plenty of options for the lady who wants to show off her sexy & playful side whilst giving in to her partner’s fantasy to plug his favorite athlete. the lingerie bowl gave us sexy football players, mariah showed us how a basketball jersey can become sexy, but none of these have the staying power of the sexy cheerleader.
why they just missed the list.
the thing about cheerleaders, is, they are oft-times sexy. so, although not every girl in a cheerleader outfit is sexy, most real life cheerleaders are. just look at these cheerleaders in halloween costumes. cheerleader in halloween costume vs regular lady in cheerleader costume is about as unfair as last Sunday’s Patriots-Redskins game. the sports genre also holds a few real-life sexy individuals like that volleyball chick, assketball sensation dnika romero, & various forms of questionably sexy bodybuilders, gymnasts & tennis stars.
i live close to atlanta, so it’s been pretty much nonstop Vick coverage for the past 4 months. now that Vick will accept the plea agreement, the only thing left are the absolute final details of his involvement, and, of course, the sentencing. forgoing any unimportant information about whether or not numba seven murked a mutt or two, we can start to look back at the first half of his career and towards his upcoming time as Prisoner #IH8BARKN.
up until this point, Vick has lived a life of fun, frivolity and fantasy, so, his next step should be into a world of whimsy, namely, Oz. of course, i am talking about HBO’s Oswald State Correctional Facility. i couldn’t possibly think of a better place to learn about life behind bars than turning to the great givers of knowledge, my emotional mom: TV and my pragmatic pop: the Intarweb.
on to the list…
5. Kareem Said
outside of his annoying muslim rhetoric Vick will also have to deal with his around the clock praying, educated-man over-annunciating, Said mumbling ideas about his next book and frequent visits from his underlings.
the best Vick can hope for — Said’s charismatic ways and strong conviction will force Mike to reevaluate his life decisions and he’ll come out muslim like Mike (Tyson, that is). after changing his name to Ahmad Dawgsrokka, he’ll quietly return to the NFL.
what’s likely to happen — tasty beanpies and some interesting reading in the next copy of the final call, on the good side. on the bad, gets hit by a stray bullet fired in Said’s direction and ends up in one of Augustus’s hand me down wheelchairs.
4. Tobias Beecher
Beecher probably won’t attempt to kill Vick. But, he is unstable and prone to erratic changes in his mood and thus, his behaviour. while in Oz, basically everybody in Beecher’s life was a target, so, if you have a nice positive relationship w/the Beech, you may find yourself in harm’s way. also, depending on whether or not Schillinger and the KKKrew have recently attempted to kill anyone that Beecher cares about, Vick could return to his cell to find Beecher geeked up and violent.
not to mention, this fuck is a lawyer. and if you’ve ever spent time sitting in a cube next to a co-worker that knew a lil’ bit too much about how a pending case in pop culture was going, you can easily understand how spending 20 hours in a 6X9 with this legal beagle could be make your 12month sentence feel like 16 games against the ‘85 Bears.
the best Vick can hope for — after yet another of one of the people beecher cares about is murdered, he might end up in a huddled mass of tears, bawlin’ in Vick’s arms then offering him a bit of sweet mouth.love.
what’s likely to happen — in an attempt to fram Beecher, Vick’ll catch an inventive method of murkination along the lines of being slammed into a pool of electrified water and drowning while unconscious.
outside of their holier-than-thou rants (just imagine how much Beecher or Said would bitch about the legal & moral aspects of dog-fighting) there is one more thing the muslim and the lawyer have in common — neither one of them is likely to attempt go spelunking down Vick’s manhole. from this point on though, all thoughts of a well preserved, exit only mangina can leave Vick’s thoughts, forever.
i am an avid fan of the squared circle. i use phrases like, “tap out,” “turn heel” and “no sell” in everyday conversation. over the course of my lifetime, i have attempted to slap several individuals in the texas cloverleaf and have snuck up on a few of them to lock them in the powerful grasp of my full nelson, affectionately know as “the clutch clutch.” in junior high, the hood classic “open neck, no respect” morphed into “the russian sickle” and i was one of many to tag team like ivan & nikita koloff.
hopefully, that establishes my ethos (with a lil’ bit of pathos), now, on to the list (w/a side of logos)…
honorable mention (team) - midnight express.
the midnight express was just like the rock ‘n’ roll express, except, of course, better. from the veg-o-matic to the rocket launcher, the midnight express had a vast array of tag team maneuvers with great names. also, because of their sexy man-candy gimmicks, you can bet they got the bestest of older worn-out-my-favorite-band-is-touring-on-the-other-side-of-the-country trim when out on the road.
listen to KRS rock over their classic theme music.
honorable mention (move) - double stomp/cop killa.
low ki (loki, get it?) decided to change his ringname to senshi. that’s stupid. homicide, on the other hand, has been able to keep his ringname although he was forced to rename his version of the kudo driver to “the gringo killer.” although this move is spectacular (yes!) these two are no longer a team and i’ve never seen them in a match, so, since it’s my list, it doesn’t crack the top five.
Continue for the rest of the top 5, including videos of violence…
we’ve all seen the photos in our various men’s magazines… a woman goes sans top but uses some sort of prop to hide her nipples/areola so that the mag can still sit on the shelves at your local Barns & Noble w/out the shame of a polybag. it’s a fantastic technique that gives you more boob for your buck and makes the photographer seem creative even if that creativity is only being used as an excuse to get some air on those puppies.
Honorable Mention: the surface-bra.
whether up against a wall, mirror or the convenient edge of a well cropped photo, the use of an obstructing surface is quite possibly the “classiest” way to take the topless pic. it’s a tasteful way to leave a lil’ to the imagination, unless, of course, we’re talking about our girl Coco .
5. the belt-bra.
the first cover of my first dotcom was to feature this fantastic belt bra picture of Hollywood of G.L.O.W. fame. instead, i decided to mimic the chromium covers of my comic book collecting days. i learned a fantastic lesson — belt-bras are a fantastic idea but are difficult to execute correctly in real life w/out looking like a complete idiot. not only is it something that looks better in anime/hentai settings but also on women w/substantially less boobage than i prefer.
Continue for the rest of the top five, including pics of boobies!
