i peep’d this over at one of my morning coffee stops, hypebeast, and was (slightly) disgusted to see they sent props over there to jay-z. sure, the jiggaman may have brought the slang back for a new generation, but i find it hard to believe that san fran’s upper playgound thinks of beyonce’s boyfriend when 99 problems comes to mind.
coco’s boyfriend told us back in ‘93…
in short, viking style is the act of perching atop a cistern and vomiting downward betwixt one’s feet into the bowl below. one sits in a position similar to “an upper decker” —. as invention sends it’s mother’s day cards to necessity, i’m sure you won’t be surprised to learn that this technique was not developed by a think tank, brainjar, or amadeus cho. to put it simple…
so, after stompling around the five spot for god knows how many minutes, i got that wayne’s world squiggly line feeling emitting from my stomach area. i calmly walked to the bathroom area, knowing the puke was on it’s way and prepared to assume the position…
but, like is all to common in public restrooms, i was greeted w/the muck and couldn’t imagine myself placing my jeans in puddles of other men’s piss. but, the duke of earl was blowin’ up my sidekick. what was there for me to do?
that’s correct, my friends. like the great warriors of days past who could not handle their mead, i ventured to the side of mt. porcelain, and, nay, i would not drop to thine knees and send prayers to thy gods… i would sit atop a mighty throne and pour out a bit of partially digested foodbits into the awaiting chasm below.
as is typical, after such a mighty accomplishment. i decided to rest my weary head and reflect on how, exactly, i got to a place that caused me to climb to a place where few have traveled before. during my moment of ponderance, i was discovered by some of my loyal subjects, atop of my throne and when the question was asked, i merely uttered…
somewhere around the time that cam’ron decided to hold a press conference to discuss the chancleta issue, the word “swagger” should have received the pete rose treatment.
swagger at some point referred to a specific type of movement one would make when walking. over the years, due to the dynamic nature of language, swagger has transformed into not just a style but the undeniability of success in style. both the cocky athlete & the boastful rapper are harbingers of swagger. the worldwide leader and hip-hop have both marketed swagger as an acceptable & unacceptable product to be consumed by the masses. the aforementioned athletes & entertainers along w/politicians, cooks & your grandma’s lawn clogs are all said to have some form of swagger. if everybody has swagger, then how is anybody with it special? because of it’s overuse, the word swagger has become omnipresent and has lost all meaning.
i wish i could call for a moratorium, but i feel we are way beyond that point. we need to erase this word from our collective vocab now. i know it’s gonna be difficult for so many of you that have relied on swagger to describe everything from the reaction after a referee’s technical foul call to the new design of the cherry coke can but i’m here to help you.
here’s some ways to show swagger w/out saying swagger [continue »]
for the past couple of months, we’ve been tivo’n (dvr’n, tape’n, bootlegg’n) dora the explorer. because watching tv is a new phenom for the baby & dora is a new show for us, we have no idea what order these shows were supposed to be originally broadcast in. we set the box up to record, watch in whatever order and enjoy the story for what it is.
in basically every episode, dora’s got her backpack & her map, swiper’s tryna gank some of her shit, those three lil’ insects are floating in to play a lil’ Level Up! tune and we finish up w/ the “we did it” song. after watching a few episodes, you catch the hang of it, understand that Map is gonna give you 3 locations, swiper will quit if you perform the heisman correctly, your backpack will have whatever you need to finish your task, including an umbrella, sticky tape or this oddly shaped toy.
the best part about all this, is, although the baby understands the most basic of words right now (bottle, shoes, grapes, her sister’s name…) she knows that when the map comes out it’s time to sing the little map song. by watching enough episodes, parents and young poopers alike can get the gist. they immerse you into the world of bilingual anthropomorphic jungle bulls (wha?) as if it was standard practice to solve riddles to pass trolls on their way to a huge strawberry mountain. on the other hand, young D an’nem actually have episodes dedicated to the map, the backpack & all the recurring characters. the backpack explanation doesn’t happen until the 16th episode.
so, what’s that got to do w/blogging, you ask? as if you somehow forgot that i like to take the long route. well, i don’t need to write about “just-lightskinned” before i use it in a post. either you’ll get it because you can read in context, are familiar w/the term or have actually heard me say it in person. the same goes for viking style, cock-snigglin’, sakaar or any other reference/ slang/ colloquialism that is used.
assuming that my daughter (the lil’ one) can get down w/a lil’ lavendar squirrel that only speaks spanish, i’ll just go ahead and assume that you, intarweb user, can follow one of these posts. and, as long as i keep writing, i’ll still have time to dedicate an extra special post to explaining the slang in more detail.
special note: i hope writing about dora doesn’t lead any kids to this site. i have intentionally kept pictures of the lil’ bowl headed kid off this post. google images & microsoft live search are crazy bitches that don’t filter correctly and seeing as though my last posts have been dedicated to my favorite pasttimes of huge titties, takin’ a shit and drinkin’ to the point of puking, i don’t think the kids need to spend much time around yamomzcrib.
