how do you fuck a mermaid?

squidgunch

ever since i saw this image, i have been more than a little bit interested in finding out how mermaids became the sexy representation for werefish. obviously, this tentacle haired squidskank has everything necessary to provide her partner w/an evening of sweet sensual sea sex. nice lips, ample bosom, and probably some incredible poon. take a lil’ time and give this some serious thought — swimming around in the depths of the ocean would help to keep it tight and you wouldn’t have to waste money or time on lubes. assuming, in accordance w/all existing male fantasies, that she’d be ready to go at the drop of an unbaited line, we are talking about the ultimate partner for those long voyages across the seas.

but, that’s not how things are. in actuality, it is the mermaid that has become the principle object of half-fish/half-woman affection. from tattoos to fan-fiction to big budget hollywood films.

daryl hannah in splash

now i’ve spent a lil’ bit of time w/google images. i’m sure some of you reading this right now have as well. (how else would you get here?) but i am yet to see how one can fuck a mermaid.

blowjobs? sure, no prob. if you can get past the fact that her hands are gonna be a bit scaly and it’ll feel like a cheap snakeskin belt is being drug across your balls as she tries to cup them, then, sure — a mermaid blowjob sounds like a fantastic idea.

tittyfuck? that works. you could sit at the edge of the pool, she’d keep her body inside and could make some crazy waves. i bet that’d be real calm and relaxing. in fact, i think this is the best possible sex you could have w/a mermaid. maybe a lil’ bj/tf combination as she creates soothing wave after wave. put a lil’ robin thicke on in the background, grease your nipples up w/fish oil — it’d be a fantastic time.

but, what about the good ol’ fashion? a lil’ bit of tab A into slot B? you can’t do that w/a mermaid, chief. take another look at the legs, or, lack thereof. ain’t no fuckin’ a mermaid.

mermaidenhell

maybe that’s what makes it sexy to some of y’all. that whole unrequited love, unfulfilled desire, untap(able)ped potential. but, yeah, i’m not made of that material. sexy is that which can receive a stiff cocking. you know, like, on a “deep root level.” i believe that there is no bottom deeper than the deep blue sea, save maybe deepest darkest africa, hwvr, mermaids are the ken slab of fantasies.

if you must resort to aqua based wet dreams, stick to atlantans. in almost every interpretation, they have legs and a functional coont. sometimes, they’re blue — in those situations, golden shower & get your kirk on.

Comments (22)

  1. guin wrote::

    you’re doing good work over here.

    Tuesday, April 24, 2007 at 4:22 #
  2. Sasha wrote::

    I was just wondering the same thing! There’s no legs, therefore no where to stick it in. I appreciate your thoughtful answers.

    Wednesday, February 11, 2009 at 2:06 #
  3. don wrote::

    u people r filthy butt plugs 4 thinking a mermaid is real and that screwing one is out of th question :P so go fuck yerselves

    Saturday, May 9, 2009 at 5:50 #
  4. Tommy wrote::

    Right?!
    I really have a thing for mermaids, I really, really do, but… how do I fuck it!?

    Tuesday, June 16, 2009 at 11:49 #
  5. mermaid fucker 3000 wrote::

    id fuck a mermaid but where do you put it in ???

    Wednesday, November 18, 2009 at 11:07 #
  6. zed wrote::

    i think fish have a vag and mermaids are 1/2 fish

    Tuesday, February 9, 2010 at 8:49 #
  7. Maxim wrote::

    Dolphins have penis. Merman can have too, and Mermaids must have something. So tab A can go into slot B ;)

    Thursday, February 18, 2010 at 6:32 #
  8. Alex wrote::

    I’ve wondered the same thing. . ever since I heard the Lonely Island Boys song “I’m On a Boat” and T-Pain says “And believe me when I say I fucked a mermaid” my best friend and I cannot stop wondering. . .how the fuck do you do that?! This did help. . but still. . he says that if she has like somewhere you can pee, you can fuck it. . I found that creepy. . but. . whatever. haha.

    Sunday, February 28, 2010 at 10:55 #
  9. Tpain wrote::

    I fucked a mermaid. (:

    Friday, May 7, 2010 at 6:21 #
  10. Reuben Powell wrote::

    How tall is Daryl Hannah anyway?;,-

    Wednesday, June 16, 2010 at 11:38 #
  11. denice regal wrote::

    i would like evryone to know that mermaids arnt just a sex object
    but a beautfiul thing in life
    they do exist
    i have titty fucked one before
    so they are real
    excuse me person up the top who said this is disgusting
    ur probably a 100 old man
    waiting for a lil mermaid girl
    and then prounce on her
    which is disgusting
    mermaids are sexier than human beings
    i love them

    Saturday, July 17, 2010 at 12:09 #
  12. JIDFO wrote::

    I WANTS FUCK MERMAID NOW!

    Friday, September 3, 2010 at 7:58 #
  13. joe mcmahon wrote::

    Yeah well I’m sure mermaids are real and they must have holes for mermen and randy sailors to fuck.
    Damn, now I wanna go to the ocean and find one (cuz it just has to be that easy) and ride her with my cock as she takes me on erotic oceanic oddessy.
    Mmmm, now that’s a fantasy that’s crying out for the talents of hentai artists.

    Saturday, October 9, 2010 at 3:28 #
  14. LowHigh wrote::

    I typed in google “i fucked a mermaid” which is what tpain says in lonely island song….thats how i got here,good post,it makes me wonder how you would fuck a mermaid,even if she had a hole,it would probably be scaly and hard :/.

    Thursday, August 25, 2011 at 11:19 #
  15. wopol wrote::

    ok mermaid has hands (hand job) mouth and tongue (blow job) breasts. (titty fucking) even armpit sex lol (more like a side boob fuck lol. all this can done with a real girl as well . unless its the mermaid from splash she can turn her tail into legs….also the mermaids off of one piece and little mermaid her tail becomes legs

    Sunday, October 2, 2011 at 4:23 #
  16. RatedRSuperstar wrote::

    Imagine this…. She has vagina where human female does, but on her tail instead between her legs. Just put your legs around her tail and fuck away =) Would be nice to swin while doing this…

    Thursday, November 3, 2011 at 12:35 #
  17. miley cyrus wrote::

    Wow this really puts it out there ima girl and straight but I was wonderin now if I find one I just might envy her cause almost every guy I know wants to fuck a fucking meremaid like what the hell!!she’s a fucking fish!!!!!

    Thursday, December 29, 2011 at 9:06 #
  18. elyu wrote::

    What happens when you have sex with a mermaid in her human form and her legs become wet (like from your or her cums)? Wouldn’t your penis might get stuck in her tail?

    Monday, July 2, 2012 at 11:17 #
  19. Georgi wrote::

    Yes the BJ and Tf would be great but there is a chance for a normal sex if she is like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. i think a sex with siren is better than a mermaid.

    Monday, November 19, 2012 at 5:20 #
  20. Landro Lire wrote::

    Assuming a mermaid is related to a shark (please) you raise her fin and thrust your erect penis into her cloaca similar to the Kama Sutra Mermaid position with human women. Keep a post coitus cream ready to rub into penis from fish scale burns.

    Tuesday, December 11, 2012 at 2:12 #
  21. Shamile Annet wrote::

    i guess mermaids are sweet!

    Tuesday, February 12, 2013 at 10:30 #
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    Tuesday, December 2, 2014 at 1:27 #