how do you fuck a mermaid?


ever since i saw this image, i have been more than a little bit interested in finding out how mermaids became the sexy representation for werefish. obviously, this tentacle haired squidskank has everything necessary to provide her partner w/an evening of sweet sensual sea sex. nice lips, ample bosom, and probably some incredible poon. take a lil’ time and give this some serious thought — swimming around in the depths of the ocean would help to keep it tight and you wouldn’t have to waste money or time on lubes. assuming, in accordance w/all existing male fantasies, that she’d be ready to go at the drop of an unbaited line, we are talking about the ultimate partner for those long voyages across the seas.

but, that’s not how things are. in actuality, it is the mermaid that has become the principle object of half-fish/half-woman affection. from tattoos to fan-fiction to big budget hollywood films.

daryl hannah in splash

now i’ve spent a lil’ bit of time w/google images. i’m sure some of you reading this right now have as well. (how else would you get here?) but i am yet to see how one can fuck a mermaid.

blowjobs? sure, no prob. if you can get past the fact that her hands are gonna be a bit scaly and it’ll feel like a cheap snakeskin belt is being drug across your balls as she tries to cup them, then, sure — a mermaid blowjob sounds like a fantastic idea.

tittyfuck? that works. you could sit at the edge of the pool, she’d keep her body inside and could make some crazy waves. i bet that’d be real calm and relaxing. in fact, i think this is the best possible sex you could have w/a mermaid. maybe a lil’ bj/tf combination as she creates soothing wave after wave. put a lil’ robin thicke on in the background, grease your nipples up w/fish oil — it’d be a fantastic time.

but, what about the good ol’ fashion? a lil’ bit of tab A into slot B? you can’t do that w/a mermaid, chief. take another look at the legs, or, lack thereof. ain’t no fuckin’ a mermaid.


maybe that’s what makes it sexy to some of y’all. that whole unrequited love, unfulfilled desire, untap(able)ped potential. but, yeah, i’m not made of that material. sexy is that which can receive a stiff cocking. you know, like, on a “deep root level.” i believe that there is no bottom deeper than the deep blue sea, save maybe deepest darkest africa, hwvr, mermaids are the ken slab of fantasies.

if you must resort to aqua based wet dreams, stick to atlantans. in almost every interpretation, they have legs and a functional coont. sometimes, they’re blue — in those situations, golden shower & get your kirk on.

22 Replies to “how do you fuck a mermaid?”

  1. Assuming a mermaid is related to a shark (please) you raise her fin and thrust your erect penis into her cloaca similar to the Kama Sutra Mermaid position with human women. Keep a post coitus cream ready to rub into penis from fish scale burns.

  2. Yes the BJ and Tf would be great but there is a chance for a normal sex if she is like Ariel from the Little Mermaid. i think a sex with siren is better than a mermaid.

  3. What happens when you have sex with a mermaid in her human form and her legs become wet (like from your or her cums)? Wouldn’t your penis might get stuck in her tail?

    1. Hi, I know how late this reply is. But given simple logic, bodily fluids (such as blood, sweat, tears… cum… all that jazz) aren’t really an avoidable part of life, chances are they wouldn’t affect a mermaid in human form. If you got some jizz on her legs, I can almost 100% ensure that your penis would not get stuck in her tail.

  4. Wow this really puts it out there ima girl and straight but I was wonderin now if I find one I just might envy her cause almost every guy I know wants to fuck a fucking meremaid like what the hell!!she’s a fucking fish!!!!!

  5. Imagine this…. She has vagina where human female does, but on her tail instead between her legs. Just put your legs around her tail and fuck away =) Would be nice to swin while doing this…

  6. ok mermaid has hands (hand job) mouth and tongue (blow job) breasts. (titty fucking) even armpit sex lol (more like a side boob fuck lol. all this can done with a real girl as well . unless its the mermaid from splash she can turn her tail into legs….also the mermaids off of one piece and little mermaid her tail becomes legs

  7. I typed in google “i fucked a mermaid” which is what tpain says in lonely island song….thats how i got here,good post,it makes me wonder how you would fuck a mermaid,even if she had a hole,it would probably be scaly and hard :/.

  8. Yeah well I’m sure mermaids are real and they must have holes for mermen and randy sailors to fuck.
    Damn, now I wanna go to the ocean and find one (cuz it just has to be that easy) and ride her with my cock as she takes me on erotic oceanic oddessy.
    Mmmm, now that’s a fantasy that’s crying out for the talents of hentai artists.

  9. i would like evryone to know that mermaids arnt just a sex object
    but a beautfiul thing in life
    they do exist
    i have titty fucked one before
    so they are real
    excuse me person up the top who said this is disgusting
    ur probably a 100 old man
    waiting for a lil mermaid girl
    and then prounce on her
    which is disgusting
    mermaids are sexier than human beings
    i love them

  10. I’ve wondered the same thing. . ever since I heard the Lonely Island Boys song “I’m On a Boat” and T-Pain says “And believe me when I say I fucked a mermaid” my best friend and I cannot stop wondering. . .how the fuck do you do that?! This did help. . but still. . he says that if she has like somewhere you can pee, you can fuck it. . I found that creepy. . but. . whatever. haha.

  11. Dolphins have penis. Merman can have too, and Mermaids must have something. So tab A can go into slot B ;)

  12. u people r filthy butt plugs 4 thinking a mermaid is real and that screwing one is out of th question :P so go fuck yerselves

  13. I was just wondering the same thing! There’s no legs, therefore no where to stick it in. I appreciate your thoughtful answers.

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