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recently, several blogs have been up in clogs over that most delicious invention, the ground bacon burger.  as a lover of the swine i’ve got a google alert setup to inform me of creative uses of pork. here’s a handy dandy guide to go beyond the norm and what can be read in a book so that you can truly harness the power of ham.

first, before consuming any of that delectable cat-rat-dog, display your love of bacon by wearing a bacon scarf (or try this style).  this can also double as a means to make a quick escape if caught stealing the bacon from your neighbors plate at an ihop. for some of you tight pants wearing ass niggas or for the lil’ she-piggy lover in your life, you can cop this discreet BLT ring.  for ladies that are a bit more, adventurous, you can always rock the bacon bra or bikini top.

on to the food…the following idea, i believe was independently discovered while trying to push the limits of bacon baking.  the first practitioner shows bacon weaving, a critical method for taking bacon to the next level in sandwichery while the next, bacon molding renders breadbowls utterly useless.  combining a staggered bacon weave and some creative bacon molding ushers in the dawn of bacongami and i joyously await for bacon shaped arks filled with lil’ pigs in a blanket.  seriously, i can’t think of anything sexier.

if you followed the above instructions and constructed a lil’ salad inside of your new bacon bowl and you’re worried that your salad might be a lil’ too healthy, you can go the traditional route and add some homemade bacon bits, or, you can sprinkle it w/a bit of this fantastic bacon salt. available in 3 wondrous flavors. even though it’s zero calories and fat, hopefully the flavor can trick us into thinking it’s fattening.

now, to help wash down this pörkgåsbord, why not try a bloody mary made with jalapeno/bacon infused vodka?  i swear i’ve heard Jay rap “drunk of swine/ mami on P” before, so i’m sure this would go over well at the snazziest of events.

shout outs to omillio.

and, finally, bacon as dessert. if you’re on the go and would like to savor your bacon — bacon pops, for those of you not suffering in this heatwave, who don’t worry about melting of the subsequent pounds we have this remarkable snack sensation, and, of course, bacon + maple + donut. understanding that some of these may be a bit extreme for you, the great grocery eats brings it home with bacon ice cream.

UPDATED:

so, your rockin’ a bacon scarf, drank a bacon mojito and finished it off w/a lil’ bacon frusen gladje but now you’ve got to worry about your hygiene.  no worries, dentist recommended,  fat boy approved - be sure to take care of of those pearly whites w/a lil’ something we call bacon floss.

recently, the googles provided me a couple of examples of some really idiotic uses of swarovski crystals. i, like most of you, probably had no idea what swarovski “crystals” were until the great cellphone craze of ‘06. like you, i too was happy of having a quick and easily identifiable way to dump the “idiotech” stamp on a chick from 35 paces and keep it moving through the local mall.

since i’ve found out that these things are expensive as all fuck, and that you can find swarovski stores in some of your higher end malls i’ve been struggling with trying to understand how this came to be.  can anybody explain to me why people would spend hard earned money to have something emblazoned w/swarovski crystals? what, outside of idiotic stuntage, is the appeal of name brand rhinestones? is there another opportunity to sell something cheap & gaudy at an inflated cost w/an appealing foreign name that hasn’t been used yet?

if so, i’m all in.
seriously.  i’m there.

these photos of the diddlez and cassie hit the net earlier in the week, causing all sorts of discussions about puff’s wrongness, cassie’s talent and whether or not those discussing it had the right to offer an opinion on the subject. around the same time, el-p’s we’reallgonnaburninhellmegamixx 2 hit the net, causing me to pop my copy of fantastic damage in and give it another listen. which brings me, you and them to this…

you think i’m a genius, i know i’m a whore…

that song, right there, encapsulates almost every thing i could say about the photos and the act.

and to tie a nice, neat bow around all this, let’s reference, bdp via the roots, kellz finally going to court, and Bill Murray, just because i get to post a picture of Scarlett Johansson.