at.yamomzcrib.com

Barker and Pacman:
more in Common than you might think.

In addition to a new host, their would need to be a few changes to the core elements of the gameshow. One of the first things necessary would be a nighttime broadcast and at least a PG-13 rating.

Contestant’s row would be replaced by “In the VIP.” Maybe the theme song could use a remix as well.

Audio clip: Adobe Flash Player (version 9 or above) is required to play this audio clip. Download the latest version here. You also need to have JavaScript enabled in your browser.

Although Bob has been slowly dumping some of the classic Barker’s Beauties over the years, Pacman would jettison the entire squad in favor of two teams of “shoe models” named Pacman’s Clappers & Jones Jigglers. Keeping with his sports roots, Steady-Duckin’-Pinky-&-Sue will use the one half of the broadcast to showcase the Clappers and the next to showcase the Jigglers to create a “sense of competition and tension.” The girls will cheer for their individual showcase champion at the end of the show during the Showcase Showdown. In addition, their will be a weekly Featured Dancer that performs prior to the Showcase Showdown.

And, as for the prizes…
nobody will make the cash drop like Mr. Make-It-Rain himself…
and for that, we’ll need new games!

• Cliff Hangers will be replaced by Pole Climbers.
  The goal is to have your dancer ascend to the loftiest height w/out her losing her grip and falling, face forward on the fist of one of your entourage members.
• Dice Game gets an added die and is now played under the rules of Cee-Lo.
  Soul Machine and Danger Mouse not included (bah-dum-CHING!)
• Hole in One keeps it’s name but gets a significant upgrade.
  The game will lose it’s signature putter and the SkyMall My Personal Putting Green will be replaced by a firing range and cutouts of security guards.
• More or Less will be replace by Hair or Weave.
  The goal, of course, will be to guess whether randomly picked assistant Clappers or Jigglers are sporting their natural hair or some of that Hawaiian Silky/ Yakky/ Wet ‘N Wavy.
• The Plinko chip will be replaced by a large wad of cash.
  The Plinko slots will be replaced by the slots of Clappers or Jigglers. If the contestant is lucky enough to have his wad land on this week’s featured dancer, he wins The Ultimate Prize!

Although these changes would probably confuse some of the longtime daytime viewers, Pacman would have to keep some games like Punch A Bunch exactly the same, even though, it may behoove him to remove all fistacular activities from the show.