at.yamomzcrib.com

Author: bfnh

  • what dora the explorer taught me about blogging.

    for the past couple of months, we’ve been tivo’n (dvr’n, tape’n, bootlegg’n) dora the explorer. because watching tv is a new phenom for the baby & dora is a new show for us, we have no idea what order these shows were supposed to be originally broadcast in. we set the box up to record, watch in whatever order and enjoy the story for what it is.

    in basically every episode, dora’s got her backpack & her map, swiper’s tryna gank some of her shit, those three lil’ insects are floating in to play a lil’ Level Up! tune and we finish up w/ the “we did it” song. after watching a few episodes, you catch the hang of it, understand that Map is gonna give you 3 locations, swiper will quit if you perform the heisman correctly, your backpack will have whatever you need to finish your task, including an umbrella, sticky tape or this oddly shaped toy.

    the best part about all this, is, although the baby understands the most basic of words right now (bottle, shoes, grapes, her sister’s name…) she knows that when the map comes out it’s time to sing the little map song. by watching enough episodes, parents and young poopers alike can get the gist. they immerse you into the world of bilingual anthropomorphic jungle bulls (wha?) as if it was standard practice to solve riddles to pass trolls on their way to a huge strawberry mountain. on the other hand, young D an’nem actually have episodes dedicated to the map, the backpack & all the recurring characters. the backpack explanation doesn’t happen until the 16th episode.

    so, what’s that got to do w/blogging, you ask? as if you somehow forgot that i like to take the long route. well, i don’t need to write about “just-lightskinned” before i use it in a post. either you’ll get it because you can read in context, are familiar w/the term or have actually heard me say it in person. the same goes for viking style, cock-snigglin’, sakaar or any other reference/ slang/ colloquialism that is used.

    assuming that my daughter (the lil’ one) can get down w/a lil’ lavendar squirrel that only speaks spanish, i’ll just go ahead and assume that you, intarweb user, can follow one of these posts. and, as long as i keep writing, i’ll still have time to dedicate an extra special post to explaining the slang in more detail.

    special note: i hope writing about dora doesn’t lead any kids to this site. i have intentionally kept pictures of the lil’ bowl headed kid off this post. google images & microsoft live search are crazy bitches that don’t filter correctly and seeing as though my last posts have been dedicated to my favorite pasttimes of huge titties, takin’ a shit and drinkin’ to the point of puking, i don’t think the kids need to spend much time around yamomzcrib.

  • the greatest picture of all time.

    jade5.jpg

    the singlemost greatiest pick-churr of all times, period

    this can not be debated. i have held onto this pic for longer than i can remember. jayde nicole steele. jade steele. whatever her club name is. this pic was lifted from an open directory on the gamecrib website. i snatched a couple others, made some desktops, etc… but, this has always been my favorite picture of them all. this pic sent me on a hunt for everything jade steele related.

    upcoming: i saw a .jpg of another model wearing a similar bikini recently. that model will be entered into these same hallowed halls of fame. so, i guess this is a third in the series of “category ideas masquerading as posts,” but, before we could do the category any justice at all, we needed the first, the goat, jade5.jpg.

  • shitting at work.

    this is another announcement about forthcoming posts masquerading as a post. trust me, this is the motts.

    so, on my way to men’s bathroom 5N, i walk by an older manager of manager. i don’t think he’s above me in the company tree, but he most certainly is a six figga non-nigga. quick headnod, it’s reciprocated and a dumping i will go. 12-15 minutes later, i am yet to defeat solitaire and my turdsquisher has been thorughly wiped and air-dryed like a Kensigton girl’s ponytail and it’s time to step out of the stall and get back to work. now, a couple minutes ago, i had heard someone entering good ol’ 5N and using the adult pisser. he was fuckin’ around finishing and splashin’ water and i disobeyed one of The Rules by stepping out to meet eyes with the lurker.

    and, of course, as i foreshadowed above, you know who it was. another head nod, except, this time, he knew i just threw a good 15-20 minutes of company time down the shitter.

    now, he either feels that i am a ridiculous loser that just spent the last 20-25 minutes in the handicapped stall jerkin’ off to the usa today life section (that broad that wrote about the prince/ jt feud is an idiot) -or- he may think that i had the ill bubble, but the good discretion to courtesy flush away the stank. let’s hope it’s the latter.

    yan thinks that writing a book about, or at least, centering my current writings around the shits i take at work is a horrible idea. she’s on that bullshit, of course. every dude i know has a shitting regimen — certain techniques used to minimize smell, maximize after shit sitting time, favorite stalls… it’s more thought put into the daily shit than all of the valentines day gifts across this here globe. double truth, ruth.

  • since i’ve been back around the way.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QFS0xl4_LAA

    this isn’t much of an entry, i suppose, however, i would like to take the time to throw this up there. nice lil’ video, even though the shots at lady opera were unnecessary, unless, she’s the one that did the firing.

    i don’t really eff w/def poetry jam. poetry was ruined for me the day that sweet Nia said…

    “It is the color of light,
    The shape of sound high in the evergreens”

    the fuck is that? it didn’t help that i watched the movie w/an absolutely unattractive female. the entire time the film was on, i couldn’t help but think about how she (the lady in present company) was not Nia nor LNC. poetry has never recovered. not during any of these def poetry jam’s; not at that shitty house party Asante took me to where those skatin’ ass AKAs read complete garbage out of marble notebooks and sipped crappy wine while playing “I Never” in the dark. in the fuckin’ dark! (this is a story for another time); and not at philly’s five spot, either. during my recent trip home for a bachelor party, i found out that the five spot had burneded da fuck down.

    five spot, i will truly miss you. i never expected to return and have the same experiences i did as a youth but i knew that i would visit you again. alas, it seems that this will not come to pass. and that’s a shame. as a note, to myself, and you dear reader, i will make sure to tell the following stories

    • viking style
    • mussels and chocolate martinis
    • drew, the diner and the drive
    • adventures in butterscotch fingers
    • the best perm ever, no seriously
    • double trouble, live
    • antifreeze, the fruity bastard, key lime pie, ping ping ping

    anything else i remember will be dumped into “the five spot” category as well.

  • the firefox switch.

    so, i downloaded the tiger style admin plugin from orderedlist.com and installed w/out the slightest concern of reading the instructions. along the way, i realized that it wasn’t working. this, of course, was because i was still using ie6. even after the good folks over at edited hipped me to the firefox plugin that would change all those text links to clickable jumps to boobie goodness.

    so, ive made the initial jump over to firefox and tabbed browsing and i’ve found a real problem. at work, i keep one browser running for foolishness. it’s a diversion when things get bogged down and it allows me to stay focused on the other 4 windows (outlook/word, dreamweaver, wip explorer window & SQL) that i need to work. the only other distraction window is winamp (currently playing darling nikki by the foo fighters) keeping me at a good 4-2 ratio. if we include the 6 or so documents open in dreamweaver and the 4+ query windows that are typically open, then, well, the scales are firmly tipped on the side of work.

    this is going to be a true problem. typically, i have a thought, google or wiki the answer and get back to work, but, now, i’ve got a wiki tab, a fantasy sports tab, this blog tab, and a tab dedicated to forum crusing. i’m fairly certain hoping that this is just the honeymoon phase and after lunch i’ll be back to drilling away at SQL, but right now i’m having a ball with these tabs.

    if you haven’t made the switch — make it. don’t fall victim to that ie7 garbage. i’m so geeked out that i might get one of those lil’ buttons and link it from my sidebar.