i thought the whole let’s-try-to-make-a-song-like-da-shop-boyz shit had reached it’s apex w/”do the rockman” by some-no-name-group that get’s played-way-too-much on the radio down here. apparently, i forgot that Mr. Piss-on-You liked making music that was appealing to children, so he enlisted luda ((doesn’t he have a daughter? call me whatever makes you feel better, but i can’t resolve the problems that would go on in my head if i had to work with dude-who-married-a-fifteen-year-old)) cris to help him out w/a shitty ass, “rockstar, baby” song. i’m kinda disgusted that justin blazintini had anything to do with this song, but won’t be picking up a copy of “double up” to check the production credits to make sure.
truthfully, outside of whether or not he tinkled on a toddler, i don’t think i could get past the album cover pic. just look at robert in his fully bedazzled glory. i can just envision Arruh asking Tana to get her nieces to help the stylist pick out the clothing for the video shoot at hot topic. the only thing that kellz wack ass song is missing is a travis barker name drop ((is he paying these dudes for all this press?)).
enough of the garbation…
[audio:rundmc-kingofrock.mp3]
run dmc – king of rock
there was a time when people used guitars because they were hard as fuck, not because it was a trendy marketing ploy to attract kids between 9-14. at least i like to think that’s why they were being used.
[audio:nas-thiefstheme.mp3]
nas – thief’s theme, samples “in a gadda da vida.”
i first heard in a gadda while watching nightmare on elm street. the shit was intoxicating. as a young bol’, all i could think was, “this shit sounds like drugs.” when my dad told me that the song was like a half an hour w/a “ten minute drum solo” and that you had to flip the album over to hear the whole thing i knew los drogas were involved. nas was so high listening to the original he thought it was a good idea to sample it on concurrent albums.
[audio:thyrday-rockmusic.mp3]
thyrday – rock music, samples “whole lotta love.”
maybe i just like the sample on this track. outside of that, it’s got pretty much everything else that’s wrong with the current trend of derivative music.
- the word “rock” in the song title.
- lyrical references to rock bands or famous rock song titles.
- pointless crowd cheering.
maybe this is the exception that proves the rule ((i like saying that phrase even though i know it’s bullshit)).
[audio:killermike-hardnard.mp3]
killer mike – hard nard
like i told you before, killer mike is that dude. this “bonus” cut is one of my favorite tracks. a true headbanger in the epmd sense, or the rachtman sense.
[audio:cypresshill-maryjane.mp3]
cypress hill (w/sonic youth) – i love you mary jane
i don’t think you can classify the above song as urgent or aggressive. i also don’t recall the judgement night soundtrack getting particularly good reviews, but i prefer it’s “authentic” mash up of rock artists rocking out while rap artists do that rap stuff to the limp bizkit’s (white boys doin’ shitty blackface “hiphop”) & the current urban trend (black kids doin’ shitty whiteface “rock”) that have dominated airwaves since denis leary & cuba gooding were flippin’ on pissy mattresses (read: since ’93, when the movie was released).
postcript: why is everybody or thing or whatever a rock STAR? fuckin’ morrisson was a rockstar. Jimi was a rockstar. cobain was a rockstar. these new dudes are about as much ROCKSTAR as the random “starlet” gettin’ teabagged for wednesday coke money with 2 movie credits under her garter is a porn star. just stop it already.
post-postscript: fuck ed hardy.
just because.
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