“pander bear” © fire.

pics courtesy of wonkette, and the tubes that power the internets.

i got the link from sleevage {src}, which is a great site in and of itself.

the greatest inspiration for this site has always been technology.  from the first post (using audioplayer) to this latest one (a discussion of how to use high and low tech to achieve a goal) it’s always been “that new thing” which inspires the posts. even the hoesinthesameclothes post was an excuse to use the new gallery tag.

i suppose that’s a way of explaining the dearth of posts recently, and, to announce, tech will reverse that.

recently, several blogs have been up in clogs over that most delicious invention, the ground bacon burger.  as a lover of the swine i’ve got a google alert setup to inform me of creative uses of pork. here’s a handy dandy guide to go beyond the norm and what can be read in a book so that you can truly harness the power of ham.

first, before consuming any of that delectable cat-rat-dog, display your love of bacon by wearing a bacon scarf (or try this style).  this can also double as a means to make a quick escape if caught stealing the bacon from your neighbors plate at an ihop. for some of you tight pants wearing ass niggas or for the lil’ she-piggy lover in your life, you can cop this discreet BLT ring.  for ladies that are a bit more, adventurous, you can always rock the bacon bra or bikini top.

on to the food…the following idea, i believe was independently discovered while trying to push the limits of bacon baking.  the first practitioner shows bacon weaving, a critical method for taking bacon to the next level in sandwichery while the next, bacon molding renders breadbowls utterly useless.  combining a staggered bacon weave and some creative bacon molding ushers in the dawn of bacongami and i joyously await for bacon shaped arks filled with lil’ pigs in a blanket.  seriously, i can’t think of anything sexier.

if you followed the above instructions and constructed a lil’ salad inside of your new bacon bowl and you’re worried that your salad might be a lil’ too healthy, you can go the traditional route and add some homemade bacon bits, or, you can sprinkle it w/a bit of this fantastic bacon salt. available in 3 wondrous flavors. even though it’s zero calories and fat, hopefully the flavor can trick us into thinking it’s fattening.

now, to help wash down this pörkgåsbord, why not try a bloody mary made with jalapeno/bacon infused vodka?  i swear i’ve heard Jay rap “drunk of swine/ mami on P” before, so i’m sure this would go over well at the snazziest of events.

[Click through to site to listen to the song]
shout outs to omillio.

and, finally, bacon as dessert. if you’re on the go and would like to savor your bacon — bacon pops, for those of you not suffering in this heatwave, who don’t worry about melting of the subsequent pounds we have this remarkable snack sensation, and, of course, bacon + maple + donut. understanding that some of these may be a bit extreme for you, the great grocery eats brings it home with bacon ice cream.

UPDATED:

so, your rockin’ a bacon scarf, drank a bacon mojito and finished it off w/a lil’ bacon frusen gladje but now you’ve got to worry about your hygiene.  no worries, dentist recommended,  fat boy approved – be sure to take care of of those pearly whites w/a lil’ something we call bacon floss.

i’ve probably used the phrase “content drives design” at least a thousand times or so when discussing “doing websites” for people. i typically throw it out there as a means of discerning how serious people are about creating a site and as an attempt to not do a site for that person. sites are interesting ideas but when it comes down to generating content, people typically kinda, well, yeah…

i should know, i’ve had this site since ’01 and a domain in my name since ’99 and i’ve generated enough content to fill a fly’s navel. although being a fairly prolific writer over certain points in my life, those spurts of brilliance production typically amounted to “responding to lots of posts on other people’s messageboards.”

i’ve used a couple of different tools over the years to capture my ongoing commentary. the first was a custom CF script that i wrote for myself. i’ve also used movable type and now use WordPress. i first used MT because i wanted to learn something different than CF. MT was cool, but, after stepping away from updating i “switched” to WordPress because of the one-click install offered by my hosting company. because my host has eliminated basically all of my effort to setup a mysql database, upgrade my files and all the other garbage that can become a hassle, i’ve been able to spend more time installing plugins, hacking themes, and adding functionality via custom fields and conditional tags.

over the course of time i’ve noticed something that i never thought of before — the addition of certain plugins offered me the ability to write in new ways. this completely goes against my basic beliefs that writing determines tools. the footnotes plugin stands out as one of those things that took something from my natural writing style (the usage of double parentheses) and transformed it into proper clickable footnotes. so, after i turned footnotes on, i needed to style those footnotes, which got me digging around in the css for my template.

my post about fantastical boobage led me to creating a new class that would alert my readers that the links may lead them to a place that their employer wouldn’t be in full support of. i haven’t put too much effort into styling nsfw thumbnails, but, i guess if you can’t tell already by the thumbnail, then, a special shade of red border isn’t going to be much of a deterrent, anyway. having a class let me feel more comfortable inserting a link to an image or two into a post, even if it didn’t _exactly_ fit the mood of the current discussion, sometimes made you go WTF? & of course, ran the risk of getting the reader to click on something they shouldn’t.

recently, i incorporated a section to show some recommended links from around the webz. i did this as a means of testing whether or not it was possible to style an rss feed coming from another location. with the help of simplepie, i was able to setup a pretty nice “read” section for my frontpage. i decided to launch it, because even though i am “doing” stuff for my site, some people that might come by for some of this bfnh branded entertainment might also want to check out some bfnh approved reading whilst in the midst of a lull from hand crafted bfnh texticular products ™.

anyway, this is all to say, i will be adding a “Not really here” section where i link you to places around the nets where i have left comments. currently, i am using a tag that i have configured inside of google reader (which takes care of comments left on subscribed sites) and i will be combining that w/some agressive social bookmarking (maybe, i don’t know, i don’t post to forums that often) from a site to be named later. although this won’t be more “original” content created specifically for this site, it will provide more content, and such will necessitate a new design.

so, which is the chicken and which is the egg?
and, of course, which one comes first?
it’s whatever.
the goal is what’s most important.

the goal is to give you more bfnh. and more bfnh is what you will have — whether through posts, notes or comments. like, this discussion of manly drinks & desserts or this recent piece of irresistible about chunking the deuce in plubilc.

[Click through to site to listen to the song]

something fantastic has happened since i got the ability to install winamp on the work comp. combined w/the fact that my current not-at-work connection to the intarweb is on some ’99-digital-divide-no-high-speed-cable-connection-for-you-darkies shit & my work status is on some first-90-days-don’t-be-a-dickhead shit i haven’t downloaded an album in weeks. so, instead of listening to albums, i’ve been shuffling up my singles folder & winamp has been on some black&white-videos-w/bikes-and-actual-black-girls shit.

because of that, songs i haven’t heard in years have started to shuffle up leading to incredible workday diversity. my singles folder has everything from the first file i ever downloaded (kwame’s the rhythm) to the most recent – rosco’s tuba rockin’ box of bullets, but it seems as though i kept hearing the same ol’ songs shuffled up at the last job. maybe the new winamp

[Click through to site to listen to the song]

in other audio occurrences, i have to admit i was wrong about jay’s blue magic. after riding around town and hearing it play during my commute, the beat definitely has more knock then desktop headsets can convey. the hook, though, remains patent leather kicks.

this image is from while seated

i’ve been trying to figure out why separate searches for the phrase “the jena six” and the 3 words the jena six give different search results. i mean, i understand why, but i don’t “know” why.

technorati has 2058 blog posts about this. when i click publish, that’ll go up by at least one.

the most dugg story on digg has 10 diggs.

somebody went and registered thejenasix.com and has been updating with the ongoing particulars. although, i think i got the most out of the updates from While Seated (although i would defintely avoid the comments on that page).

Petition Online is probably a neat thing, and maybe it’s really important to somebody, but i always disregard it as online bullshit. so, although i did sign it, i also wrote this lil’ entry about it. i implore you to do the same. somebody that googles into your blog for music, fashion & other bullshit would be well served to run into a lil’ injustice as well.

and, over here, we can find a few more links to places of action.

some would say, “that’s a problem.”
and, they’d probably be correct.

but, because of this great feeder (reader?, feed-reader?), i am no longer wasting time popping over to websites hoping to find new content. it’s cut down my “morning startup” time by 80%. i typically had a bit of hypebeast, a pop over to the starting five, maybe check the comments over at freedarko… then, maybe i would start working. that’s not sooo bad, seeing as though most of those sites update their content fairly frequently, but, what about some of the other sites you love, who are a bit more infrequent, like gabesaid or smashingmagazine for instance. no need to keep checking to see if something new is there for you. when i logged in this mornin, the reader had fresh new content waiting for me.

much like firefox, my new cellphone (samsung blackjack) and turkey clubs on tomato wraps, i don’t know why i didn’t make the switch earlier. now, the use of the rss reader hasn’t exactly improved my production at the office — the time i’ve saved by my decreased surfing has been almost matched by searching for new feeds and configuring them accordingly. also, because so many sites simply link to the content of others, i’ve spent time going to the source sites to eliminate the middleman.

i added my own feed to see how it would look, grabbed a plugin to improve it, then spent too much time trying to figure out why the date/time that i “published” didn’t match up w/the date/time that was showing in the reader. so, i guess that means you can subscribe to my feed now.

i’ve been dealing w/my “sidearm” for the past 3 years now and it’s tough for me to meet people. because of this, i stopped goin’ to the clubs, workin’ out at the gym and doing all the other things that used to bring me into contact with attractive young ladies. so, i started using online dating services.

after a few, through craigslist, i was able to find a nice forum that was filled with understanding people who were either suffering w/the same problem or sympathetic.

so, me and “Mahogany” met at www.brownthighedgirls.com on the DatScat! board. she was into the same music as i was, liked video games and got a special tingle when i unleashed the bag’s chunky goodness upon her. she *really* liked it when i would pour it into her shoes and leave it there as a surprise for her.

eventually, we got engaged and i looked forward to the day that we would live as man & wife. about a week away from our special day, she goes on her bachelorette party and apparently, her girlfriends (nasty sluts that they are) payed the dancer to take a crap on her belly. she said the fresh warm soft-serve was the best she had ever had and that she was going to leave me.

i tried to find out what was in that guys diet in an attempt to win her back. i even began dumping my bag in her gas tank and writing letters on her windshield. it didn’t work and eventually she moved out of the city w/out telling me.

i loved her.
i still miss her to this day.

in basically every episode, dora’s got her backpack & her map, swiper’s tryna gank some of her shit, those three lil’ insects are floating in to play a lil’ Level Up! tune and we finish up w/ the “we did it” song. after watching a few episodes, you catch the hang of it, understand that Map is gonna give you 3 locations, swiper will quit if you perform the heisman correctly, your backpack will have whatever you need to finish your task, including an umbrella, sticky tape or this oddly shaped toy.

the best part about all this, is, although the baby understands the most basic of words right now (bottle, shoes, grapes, her sister’s name…) she knows that when the map comes out it’s time to sing the little map song. by watching enough episodes, parents and young poopers alike can get the gist. they immerse you into the world of bilingual anthropomorphic jungle bulls (wha?) as if it was standard practice to solve riddles to pass trolls on their way to a huge strawberry mountain. on the other hand, young D an’nem actually have episodes dedicated to the map, the backpack & all the recurring characters. the backpack explanation doesn’t happen until the 16th episode.

so, what’s that got to do w/blogging, you ask? as if you somehow forgot that i like to take the long route. well, i don’t need to write about “just-lightskinned” before i use it in a post. either you’ll get it because you can read in context, are familiar w/the term or have actually heard me say it in person. the same goes for viking style, cock-snigglin’, sakaar or any other reference/ slang/ colloquialism that is used.

assuming that my daughter (the lil’ one) can get down w/a lil’ lavendar squirrel that only speaks spanish, i’ll just go ahead and assume that you, intarweb user, can follow one of these posts. and, as long as i keep writing, i’ll still have time to dedicate an extra special post to explaining the slang in more detail.

special note: i hope writing about dora doesn’t lead any kids to this site. i have intentionally kept pictures of the lil’ bowl headed kid off this post. google images & microsoft live search are crazy bitches that don’t filter correctly and seeing as though my last posts have been dedicated to my favorite pasttimes of huge titties, takin’ a shit and drinkin’ to the point of puking, i don’t think the kids need to spend much time around yamomzcrib.

so, ive made the initial jump over to firefox and tabbed browsing and i’ve found a real problem. at work, i keep one browser running for foolishness. it’s a diversion when things get bogged down and it allows me to stay focused on the other 4 windows (outlook/word, dreamweaver, wip explorer window & SQL) that i need to work. the only other distraction window is winamp (currently playing darling nikki by the foo fighters) keeping me at a good 4-2 ratio. if we include the 6 or so documents open in dreamweaver and the 4+ query windows that are typically open, then, well, the scales are firmly tipped on the side of work.

this is going to be a true problem. typically, i have a thought, google or wiki the answer and get back to work, but, now, i’ve got a wiki tab, a fantasy sports tab, this blog tab, and a tab dedicated to forum crusing. i’m fairly certain hoping that this is just the honeymoon phase and after lunch i’ll be back to drilling away at SQL, but right now i’m having a ball with these tabs.

if you haven’t made the switch — make it. don’t fall victim to that ie7 garbage. i’m so geeked out that i might get one of those lil’ buttons and link it from my sidebar.